Over the weekend I decided to stop freaking out about "feeling" scattered. To stop freaking out about "feeling" unfocused. I've decided to embrace the ability to have a great love and respect and interest for a great many widely varied -- and mostly unrelated -- subjects and creative activities.
This "sudden" decision didn't actually come up out of the blue, or without much wrestling. No, there there was quite a long while there where I was in a bit of a stasis, where I wasn't sure if I was just a lame dilettante because I literally didn't have enough time to delve into each of my very many interests deeper. I felt guilty. Like a pretender. The joy of enjoying the beauty of each subject was getting lost in a "prove you should be here" kind of feeling. But I recalled a conversation I had with a close and dear friend who listened when I recounted my conflict, and and she told me "Why not Renaissance Mind?"
I mean, I love love love comics, opera, house building, language learning ... (for starters. We won't even get into pottery, quilting, fashion design...!) If I could triple my day from 24 hours to 72, I wonder if even that would be enough time to cram in developing all these areas further and to the level of expertise that would be satisfying...?
As it is, I've developed the comics the furthest, and have finally worked up the nerve to venture into picture book illustration -- which means I must expand into color work!! Picture books are illustrations (aside from comics storytelling) that I've always really wanted to do and has now become a nagging ache to fulfill.
As for the other Favorite Things, Had to quell the desire to sing arias by at least joining the church choir. That has been wonderfully good, not only because Worship of God is satisfying (that Italian though. If there was a worship song that was operatic ... !) I deal with the house-building fascination by finding joy in watching PBS' This Old House, and many house buying and house renovation shows on HGTV or the DIY network. And learning language? I had to sell off the French, Greek, Japanese, Italian, Portuguese dictionaries and settle for developing my understanding of Spanish better, and share that love with the kids I taught at the homeschool program I worked in.
Maybe this is why Heaven is eternal and we live forever with God: so we have time to learn all these beautiful things ...